anxiety

when stoners worry about the future of america.
there's a palpabale fear concerning the future of this county, by its own residents. it manifests in worries about crime, wonder at the international fall of the dollar, concern for the saftey of their home, difficulty finding new jobs, cynicism and nostalgia.

73 F, 23 C

white puffy clouds, blue skies and a strong sun that warms the skin.
it's hot, and i'm off to austin. smiling.

disoriented

it's a all bit too much for me; can't seem to put my feet on the ground and do anything.
i did have a small surgery yesterday on my birthday, but the anesthetic's long worn off
and i've been a little individual lost in a big people whirl since i got on the train in victoria.

the horrors of gatwick at 6 in the morning, of luggage and manic overcrowded waiting rooms and neon halls asiles of things i dont want to buy, hot dry bouncy flights and fat stupid careless security guards, 5 dollar coronas and poorly designed escalators endless airports where the adversing has not changed in years and oh please why does everyone talk so loud.

deep south black women on the intercom: "puy-er-tO vA-lar-taaa"; the mexican radio station mixes bloodhound gang with cumbia backbeats; abuela quien me pregutaba sobre mis ninos en el vuelo; big pickup trucks and stestons in the townhomes and new urban infill by the light rail; a dark downtown populated by mexican guards gutemalan cleaners black police and lighted parking lots; prada perfume and the perfect quesadilla, side by side.

damn this city is ugly. even in snow. glassy high rises amid deserted streets and concrete seas. eerie lighting and the ever present SUVs. a huge sky dominates any view and when i go running in the country i pass pools of crude near the derricks . velvet orange and purple blend behind high cirrus clouds and plane trails. i have missed texas' 270degree violent sunsets, where the colors crash into darkness and the blue deepens as you watch.

the american indulgence in privacy luxury leather and glass; when you mix fear and nostalgia you get pastiche. you get minature snow villages to decorate the ex-urb mansion on a private ranch 15 miles from walmart. 3 story mediteranean villas, 70s low ranch, colonial. style. the always personal self-help search for substance in your isolated glass enclosed climate controlled leather lined 4 door 202 horsepower ford f-150.

my brothers' laugh and our inside jokes bring a smile, an old friend found in the shadows. but dallas is place no longer home, not even a memory i remember. i want to walk among the crowds in mayfair, be near people i dont know. here, in the only place with strangers and internet - starbucks- i am detached. withdrawn. adrifit in unfamiliar waters and mentally immobile.

morning, over a cup of tea

still can't sleep in, and i crashed at 1.30 yesterday
need the time to pack, anyway. i'll be on a plane tomorrow bout this time.
the problem is that its freezing in my room, and warm in the kitchen

nothing like an office christmas party to clarify work goals
its sprinkling all day, feels like 8C.....cycling?

its a long december....

but there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last...

high tea in heels at 4, dark at 5 and the rest of the day to while away drinking
in the local. what to do with a sunday afternoon but drink slowly and talk
warm and in comfy leather at the volunteer. its a 3/4 moon.

work is nerve-wracking but interesting, and while i'm working from home tomorrow i need to be in top form, active pro-active promoting my role and completing tasks. why am i 22? why must i dress and act like the other 27s; when i come home i want to run around like i'm 15 and drunk.
someday i will grow old, i will wear the bottom of my trousers rolled. but not today.

jen brings me a glass of champagne, and i must return to the world outside my doors.
i've spawned that art of reality withdrawal, that balance of submersion and ignorance that keeps me sane and humane. my belief in the long term excellence against the humiliating reality.

1.21 am

my thighs hurt in only that way they can after three hours of dancing in heels. cherry jam is a good place, you can choose to dance like mad or sit and drink martinis until you pass out in a dark red corner. we chose the former, and took over a goodly sized section of the dance floor until the vents started smelling like kerosense and jen and i panicked. our feet also hurt, and the tax home through the sweaty windows was a quiet, happy exhaustion. its raining again in london, after a 50 year drought and the clubs tonight were nice and let us in without too much of wait, they even gave us an umbrella. i am currently 'in good form' which a scotsman told me is a compliment that does not pertain to my waist size.

the wet suit principle

its 8C, feels like 4C.
pouring.
keep moving and you keep your core warm.
and if you wear the right layers, the water against your skin stays warm as well.

english tv

there is a gay men dressed as a pirate singing in a cheesey musical wearing a yellow jacket, 4 inch mustachse and zebra print shirts to plain women dressed in high victorian with parasols about how they can love him if they want.

6 hours...

of various meetings, and i'm the only female.
(i'm not the secretary)

i'm inspired to write tonight about how my energy levels have changed since i started cycling to work. its only 6.2 miles, but as it's through the worst of north london's congestion and construction, (and i'm not racing for speed) its about 40 minutes each way. 2 large hills. still quicker than the tube or bus. i enjoy flirting daily with death by cab, coach or insane woman on the mobile. yes, my office does have a shower; and i don't dress until i arrive at the office. but there's that 6pm putting on still damp and cold padded shorts, sports bra and undershirt i get to look forward to all day. my gloves smell like bad cheese.

oh, but the energy. i never have those tired days where you never seem to wake up, i arrive home jumping with endorphins and smiling, and as my body's become accustomed to morning exertions, i walk out the door ready, expectant. you can cycle while tipsy, as long as you keep your hands on the handlebars and your shoes clipped in.

my early new years resolution is to keep this up when it starts raining and the temperature dips below 4C. it's been dry and hovering at 8C for 2 weeks now.

warm fuzzy glows

the incredibles in leiscester with andre
laughter in the kitchen late at night
frenchie, to the oracle:
"that is terrible. you must like yourself more than i like myself."

garden gnomes and land rights

One morning in September, something was different about the mobile-homepark that had greeted residents Rick and Becky Ruddy for the past 15years.
Rick opened a window and peered out at the miniature village ofpre-fabricated houses, parked Fords, garden gnomes and slightly crookedpine trees. "Look, Becky," he marveled to his wife, "we own this place!"
It was a bold statement for any ordinary mobile-home resident to make inMinnesota, but it was true. After hearing rumors that the park was forsale, the Ruddys and dozens of their neighbors each bought a share of the47-unit Sunrise Villa park in Cannon Falls and converted it into thestate's first manufactured-home cooperative.
The co-op puts a population not typically associated with financial savvyor clout in charge of its homes and at the head of a business, advocatessay. Instead of an outside corporation or a mom-and-pop landlord, anelected board of residents calls the shots — from writing theneighborhood bylaws to crafting the budget to controlling the rent."It's a sense of pride," Becky Ruddy said. "We've never owned anythingthat cost $1 million, and I feel in a sense that I have."
The residents, most of whom have low or moderate incomes, can rest at night knowing their land won't be sold from underneath them, said DanGrunenwald, a retired construction worker who organized his neighbors insupport of the $1.2 million purchase."
The owner could have said, 'We'll give you 60 days, and you gotta moveout.' And where do you go?" said Grunenwald, sitting in the carpetedfour-season porch he built. With a co-op, he said, "I know I'm going tohave a place to live."

monday nights in the city

i'm staring at my face in the train window refelection, rocking with the rythms
looking through my own eyes into the east london high rises beyond
window plants all in a row, the tvs glowing and glimpses into homes
neon blue gas holders, yellow santas dancing and the purple pole halls.
on the phone in the deserted, septic white liverpool station
and smelling the piss in dark mist waiting for the bus.
the passionate, running for the bus, last kiss; then the lingering smiles over my head. they're ethiopian.
drunk blondes smiling at the driver for a free ride. what's the line from prufrock?

Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent ....

ps. the oracle watches more tv than you think. she even likes friends.

you know you're from texas when.....

Mom,

<>First off, thank you for the extremely large cake. It is very delicious and is big enough that all of my dorm can have a piece, so I have been offering it to random people I barely know.
I am going to finally give you that birthday/Christmas list you have been wanting:

A hunting license (with a duck stamp), My car back...lets hope I do well on finals, a Maxim magazine subscription............................ The Bourne Supremacy and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (extended version) DVD's, Althletic shorts that are not too short. Gregory Whitney Pack, Frisbee (for Ultimate) 175 Grams. Cash is always appreciated

And as an extreme long shot:

Beretta A391 Xtrema 3.5 Max 4-HD 12 gauge shotgun (26 or 28" barrel)

Digital camera with flash

what law's i'll be flouting on wed

Somerset House.. "NB. Alcohol and skating are not a good combination. Please do not drink alcohol before skating. Ticket holders under the influence of alcohol will not be permitted on the rink. "

images that dont make american press

_40530943_condiricebush203
Originally uploaded by wonderwomanyank.

FROM THE BBC - wonderfully ugly photo.

experiencing space

(from bruce donnelly)
If you look at the diagram of the Campidoglio and St. Peters' in
Hegemann and Peets's Civic Art, you'll probably wonder why the viewing angles
are calculated from certain apparently arbitrary positions. It doesn't fit
our assumption visual constancy will ensure we perceive space with almost
Cartesian clarity, does it?

Actually, it's exactly the opposite; it details an old conception of space based on particular sight angles from privileged positions or sweet spots. For example, the privileged bench in a Roman dining room might have a more classically balanced view of the peristyle court than would a position on a bench on axis to the door.
Or the frescoes on a wall might fall into perspective better from the
privileged end of the room (sort of like an anamorphic projection).

The problem isn't to create a square with some sort of ideal
proportion, it's to coordinate plan and elevation to artistic effect. Thus,
there's a spot at St. Peter's where the central column and the main façade both
top out at 27 degrees above the horizontal. That point coincides with the
threshold between the keystone-shaped part of the square and the
oval-shaped part. Now, one of my professors, Harris Forusz, proved to my class
during a field trip on urban design that above _approximately_ a 27-degree
cutoff we have trouble perceiving a whole façade at once. Thus, when we cross
the threshold at St. Peter's, we also approach so close to the façade that
we have entered the personal space, so to speak, of the building itself.

the simpsons

jen and i watched old episodes of it today with friends in london
and discovered the jokes dont translate
for those who say there is no collective american culture
try the simpsons. not much i know in the way of high culture, but
if the tate britian art prize goes to a man who did a documentary on crawford
the simpsons count as a masterpiece.
things that didnt translate:
cariactures of the boss
girl gymast sterotypes
american history myths and legends
attitudes towards parenting
the tryaunt but good hearted boy

see, here's the deal

you have to go to a association of architecture student party
with a bottle of appleton estate anejo rum in your bag
the damn architecture students turned their school into a club
drum n base, disco, lounge, outdoor terrace skatepark.
you, the jamaican, and the nigerian must dance for hours
and then wander miles home, busless

london -world city

my cycle route home goes like this:
- 2 synagoges
- halal set of corner stores
- turkish neighbourhood
- ghanise neighbourhood (yams, anyone?)
- the essex boys and yobs in angel
- the bangladeshi kings cross
- nash's regents street and regents park (high victorian)

my texas family will laugh at me

it's slipping into my way of life; i'm causually...
- using 'trousers' for pants
- saying 'i had a lie in' to mean sleeping in
- consuming cups and cups of (caffienne-free) tea a day

working from home today

UK planning law now prohibits buildings and extensions that 'overlook'into other gardens or large windows. from the window of my older building i 'overlook' at least 80 windows, watching the secretaries typing away, watching the residents of the landmark hotel walk around naked... but the residential windows closest (read - bodily detail) to mine are all covered up, the people too scared others will look in. leaves me free to never close my curtains, as no one is watching me at night.

from dimi, romanian lost in middle china

The Chinese language has a wonderful compactness which gives it a tone of universality, ranging from the prose and poetry to science and everyday
speech. It explains why `please’ does not really exist, since imperatives are not orders in the strict sense, they are enunciations of a notion. For
example, `give bottle’ means precisely and only what it says, and the listener interprets it as a request and gives you the bottle – or tells you what
Klonaris thought the ATM should say to him: `Transaction rejected. Fuck off. Go back to Greece.’ In every language words are like labels, and in
physics we label forces as `the strong interaction’ or `the weak interaction’, concealing much about their actual nature, which cannot be encompassed by one word. The corollary of this is that the meanings of Chinese words relative to those we are accustomed to are very often obscure to us. Adjectives and adverbs in Chinese are verbs, explaining why many Chinese say, for example `I will back’ and `You must careful’.

There is very little abstraction in the Chinese language, for example there are no equivalents of such English (well, really Latin) endings as -ation, -ance, -ivity. Abstract notions are built up from characters with concrete meanings. For example, sexuality is xingbie, which is, loosely speaking, `gender’ and `difference’.
There is scope for innumerable puns based on the aspect of characters, not just their sound, such as the HK restaurant called `The Sweet Dynasty', which sounds exactly like `The Tang Dynasty’ and looks very similar, differing only by a rice radical, which tells you the `tang’ is the one that means sweet, not the
one that means Tang (or tap sam bong).

3.30am

bacon is an integral part of heaven.
ps. remind me that i work on mondays.

elevator's stuck on the 1st

nothing like the welcoming thought of 5 flights of stairs (90 steps) on the way back in to discourage corner store snack trips. then again, i could avoid exercising tomorrow knowing i've done the stairmaster aplenty and my ass already hurts.

thinkpiece

60s architecture attempted to create environments which would guide people to live in light, bright, tree-ey towers in parks, and drive cars everywhere on roads without people. it was a theory of buildings that tried to plan people. (modernism)
traditional architecture tries to re-create old cities in new places, and put the emphasis on places rather than housing or people. new urbanism is in this category. (traditionalism)
what my company does is try to create places that are energy-efficent, carbon zero, and with a range of lifestyle choices (ie driving, walking, public transit) and a range of housing types. this tends to look (on the ground) like older european cities. we also try to create places that can adapt and evolve over time to different eras. (sustainable) the goal is not a 'good life' or a 'nice looking place' so much as a neighbourhood/house/town that will last through time without eating up the earth's resources

discharging

its 6.30 on saturday and i finally have a few free hours after a hectic 10 days.
too much going on, with all the uncle evenings around london, busy work days
shopping for the winter picnic tomorrow. cycling (finally).

i will start commuting to work on monday by bike. its only 30 min, compared to the 50 min tube, and i need the excercise or otherwise i'm lazy at night.
jennifer laughs when i wear the black skirt suit and heels, and at my new filofax,
but i think the next few weeks will be exhausting. in learning new things, from cycling to languages, its always difficult at first because you have to learn both the form and the content. when i've got down how to organise polite business emails and how to dress for client christmas parties it will be easier to put good content into the emails and network at the parties.

there's also office politics. i dont think its a big problem where i work, but how much of your ideas and goals do you reveal? when do you tell your coworker that her idea won't be sucessful and when you keep those lips sealed?

its a good project though, and its keeping me busy so i dont have time to think about men.

my uncle is making jen and i martinis

he has been here since saturday. belvedere martinis.
from 7am to 7pm i am either at work, or going to from
from 7 on, my uncle is showing me how to seriously drink in london
my computer is at work and i eat at 9, bed at 12.
as nobody cares whether i blog or not,
work is busy busy busy and i dont have a second to eat lunch, much less blog
what's going on in the world???
i love my job. i like my company.
god bless the UK. and my uncle.